True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
