By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
