Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
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