I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
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