If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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