feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
