we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
