I'm so fucking centered right now
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
