i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You're like the curious george of whores
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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