he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
