im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
