i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
