I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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