Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
