I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
