I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
