I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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