We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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