Non-Jews are for practice
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize