So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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