no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
