he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
