are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize