1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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