We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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