Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
