i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
