There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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