Do you still have your period?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
