just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
