Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
