Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
