so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
