Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
