I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
