Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
