seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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