those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Michael Bay diarrhea
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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