I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Enjoy the penises
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
