i permit you to call me
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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