I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
