We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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