To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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