I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
