i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
