sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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