he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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