I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize