...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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