Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
