oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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