In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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