my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Everclear isn't food dammit
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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