dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
