I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i love accidental penises.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
