you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
