why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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