party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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