honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
