Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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