this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
