You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So many bounce houses so little time
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
