where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
