super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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