if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
being pregnant is like rehab
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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