Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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