There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
