these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize