Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
