My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
