I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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