sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
