I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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