I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i've created a new STD.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
