I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize