All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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