exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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