does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
