Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
