I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
should my penis look like a turkey
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
