just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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