Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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