it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
