lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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