I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Randomize
