Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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