smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
