Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
how drunk are you?
Several
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
