Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
