So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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