Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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