help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
