He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
