Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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