I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
