We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize