Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
