I'm jealous of your bromance
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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