I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize