A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
