I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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