Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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