i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
