Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize