based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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