dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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