You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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