im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
