A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize