I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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